The Scandelles Journal
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
It's likely been months since I've posted but we have been a bit crackers lately. First things first: the Partiste event. Unparalleled success, loads of fun, and my favourite new band Clap Your Hands Say Yeah were there. At the party. Just hanging out. I nearly fell on the floor in a fit. Anyway, that aside, thanks to everyone for coming out and supporting. You all looked effing smashing on top of it, and not a boa in the house. Hurrah!
And what's next for the Scandelles you ask? We have our Pride dates: June 16th and 17th at Buddies we are mounting a surrealist cabaret called Who's Your Dada? this one is going to knock you all on your asses, guaranteed. It's fucking sexy and weird. Hope you like Anne of Green Gables and Yoko Ono. Just sayin'...
Also, perhaps you read in the Toronto Star that I'll be co-curating sort of with David Oiye for one part of next season. They are doing a two month cycle called Sex & Art, and we'll be reworking les Demimondes for that.
Also, I'm in love, which is nice.
Also, as part of Who's Your Dada, we are filming video clips to introduce the pieces. If anyone out there has any fond childhood/teenage memories of secretly leafing through the Joy of Sex and would like to relay them on video (thereby becoming a huge star) please email me ast [email protected].
see you all soon...

Saturday, February 18, 2006
Saturday morning up and at 'em. Gotta go to Soundscapes to pick up some new tunes for Sunday, then to the Beguiling to pick up a prez for my pal Cori's B-Day. And speaking of Days...
Holy crap, could you believe that Valentine's Show we pulled out of our asses in three fucking weeks?! Top of our game! On the ball! Ready to rock! And Kaleb, the newest addition to the team? Home run with Leanne! The Beevers as Kurt and Courtney. Talk about some method acting.
We'll all riding high, taking a little break, and then we will be putting together one of our now notorious Partiste events for March. Stay tuned for details.

Monday, February 13, 2006
Hi friends! Well predictably, the tickets went quickly. For everyone else who's been emailing worried about getting in. A few ideas: unfortunately, we are selling toickets through ticketmaster (we were in a bit of a bind after Mink, so we had to do it this way). They have a serice charge, which is why they're 13$ in advance. The number is on this site, on the news page.
The doors will be open at 8:30, so getting there a little earlier is also a good idea. We can get around 600 people into Lee's, so there's never any worry about getting everyone in. Some people leave early and others come later so there's a good flow.
Off to rehearse...

Hi kids!! So here we are, one day before the big show, and the last opportunity to win tickets to the show at Lee's Palace.
So. This time, it's the money shot: FOUR TICKETS to the first person who emails me at [email protected] to claim them!
go team!

Sunday, February 12, 2006
to those who have emailed: the show is NOT sold out! The tickets I was giving away got taken, is all. I repeat, the show is NOT sold out!

Friday, February 10, 2006
tickets are gooonnnneee....
please check back on Monday!

Yes Scandelles fans, it's that time again. TICKET GIVEAWAY. This time I'm going to go with the more traditional approach and offer a pair. No need to be a couple, best friends, workmates or siblings will do. Just be the first to email [email protected] and mention the giveaway and you're in for free!
So rehearsals...
I must say, I've been having some profound feelings about my numbers this time. Going from shows with political content (like demimondes) and/or more interpretive content (like mink) to simple striptease is a bit of a challenge (though make no mistake, there will be layered content in this show). It's just that two of my numbers are straightforward striptease and I cannot lie... I'm nervous! It's as though bare performance, unmitigated by humour and so on is a little too raw for me at the moment. I'm feeling...what is this feeling, so unfamiliar to this Frisian lady...vulnerable, I think they call it?
Bah, enough of the introspection for now. I have pasties to make and Muscadet to drink!

Monday, February 06, 2006
Well I can tell already that this is going to be a shitkicking show simply from the response to the giveaway! The three tix were gone within an hour, but just a hint: check back later this week and then again early next week. It's surprise central.
ps-thanks for your comments about Demimondes and Mink, Leslie. We're hoping with fingers crossed (and legs open!) to remount Demimondes with the same kind of budget and tech support we got for Mink, so wait to be even further blown away. The reason I didn't narrate Mink is because I wanted people to see those clips so they'd go off with the same intention you did--to see the films. Also, can you imagine the running around I'd have to do both hosting and doing like the six pieces I was in? Yikes!

Here we are, hot on the trail of our Valentine's show. I'm just back from Montreal, where I visited some of the old haunts I used to work in, saw a few old pals, had some laughs and a few tears.Altogether, a great trip.
Now, on to business, the first of several ticket giveaways. I have decided I don't want to give tickets out in pairs, because that's so presumptuous. What if you have two boyfriends? Or a boyfriend and a girlfriend? Or no boyfriend and you want to go with two friends? So, I am giving a set of THREE tickets away to the first person who emails me at [email protected] with the promise that they will not spend Valentine's brooding this year, but they'll come and spend it having a whoopass time with us!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Well, by now you all probably know that the eight shows have sold out completely. You can well imagine our thrill, after all the blood sweat and tears we've put into the Scandelles over the years, that we've started 2006 with such a momentous bang.
We are starting our second week run this week knowing that all shows will be packed, and I'm looking forward ot thie next four days to share in the fun with all the people looking forward to seeing Mink. We cannot wait to discuss a potential run of Les Demimondes, as well.
For those of you who were unable to get tickets, please do join us at Lee's on February 14th for our 7th annual Valentine's Debacle. This year the theme is Grim verus Grimm: Feuding Couples and Other Fairy Tales.I'll be doing some ticket giveaways in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

Friday, January 13, 2006
Hi Friends!!!! Hi Friends!!! Hi Hi Hi!!
Yes, I am indeed excited. Under the Mink is SOLD OUT six of the eight nights, so if you want to get tickets, please call Buddies box office at 975-8555. The only nights available are Thursday and Friday of next week. We are getting great reviews and we are all enjoying the run so much. Gives us a chance to work out all the kinks and really get to the meat.
Please join us for this big step in our group's life.
ps-we are also booked at Lee's for Valentines, Tuesday Februay 14th. Always a blast.

Friday, December 09, 2005
Hi Friends!
I mentioned I'll be putting up articles and whatnot in the journal. Just before les Demimondes, I was interviewed by Sandra Alland at Xtra magazine. She didn't have a ton of space for the piece, but she asked some really thought provoking questions (Kristine McKenna-style) and I wanted to post the unexpurgated interview here. If you ever have a chance to be interviewed by Sandra, jump at it. You'll see, she asks some great questions. Also, have a look at the latest Broken Pencil (issue #29). There's an interview with both me and Seska in it!

1. Who are the members of the Scandelles? I have you, . Is there someone I'm missing?
There are jillions of Scandelles, actually. Including me, Kitty Neptune, Otto Erotic, and Trixie and Beever, there are Venus Lakes, The Professor, Deb "Dirk" Pearce, Flare, Christopher Noel, Chad Logan, Project Sugar (a modern dance troupe), Cooter Nipplestein, Seska Lee, Fifi... the list goes on and on. I would include the Cliks, Hunter Valentine and Rocket Tits too, bands we've had the great privilege of sharing a stage and our ideas with. We also work consistently with some amazing designers like Brenda Mozel and make-up artists like Christopher Selvam.

2. I read that you wrote Demimondes based on a concept by Otto. Did you write a full script, or a general narrative concept? Did you study playwriting at Concordia? Or is writing monologue and dialogue fairly new to you?
I would say it's more narrative concept--a series of monologues with relating dance, song and skits. We were in the middle of an accidental orgy one night and Otto said to me, "We should do a show like Under the Mink, but with prostitution as the theme." The idea immediately intrigued me, as I'm so aware of the cultural pariah status/fascination of sex workers. I'm perpetually annoyed at how people get away with making films and songs and photographs and on and on about sex workers (please don't get me started on Atom Egoyan and the bloody Exotica film), but sex workers themselves can't do their job in a safe and respected manner. It's fully, positively, enragingly stupid. Given my own history thinking and writing about this, as well as my love for film, art and music, the monologues came quite naturally. I needed to develop a character to convey them because I required someone with an intimate knowledge of some of the characters involved (Jeff Koons and Cicciolina for example) to guide us through the periods and feelings she has had about these works, the people, and her connection to them. David Oiye suggested a grande dame, phoenix-like character to me. She is the oldest whore alive. She has been worker, muse and critic throughout many periods in the trade.
I did not study playwriting specifically, I studied creative writing. Monologue and dialogue is not at all new to me. My sex column is rooted in this kind of writing. I have always had a very colloquial style.

3. Did one or more of the Scandelles direct the show, or do you work as a collective? What's your rehearsal process?
Oh it's just a ridiculous, perfect mess. We have this collective vibe, but I do most of the writing, Kitty does most of choreography, outside of the modern dancers, and we both direct. People will come up with their own ideas here and there and we try to take them all into account. There is no doubt though, that the two of us are in charge of this and we are very very lucky to be working with smart, sexy and motivated people. I cannot get over these people and their limitless talents and energy. People are forever pulling satellite skills out of their asses (for example, Trixie does all our flyer and related design, Christopher Noel is now doing our web stuff and the Beevers do all kinds of arty installations and special collection jewellery). Some of us are more skilled performers than others, but everyone gives it their all. We are an art collective in a very pure sense, abusing and using everyone's skills and contacts to their fullest.
We rehearse like any other group, I suppose.Several times a week for a month when we have a show upcoming, with the modern dancers and band rehearsing on their own. We also spend lots of time drinking and dancing and having fun together. I expect we'll all be vacationing like a bunch of fat old swingers in no time. I look forward to growing old with the Scandelles.

4. Can you briefly outline the evolution of the Scandelles in the past four years? What were your reasons/catalysts for moving from burlesque to multidisciplinary cabaret?
The evolution of the Scandelles is as follows: I was in a troupe called the Dangerettes, Kitty came and performed with us, the Dangerettes folded, and we began the Scandelles. I cannot even remember how we organized this transition for our first few shows, all I know is that Kitty and I worked well together from the outset. I feel really lucky that though we are very different people, we have similar work ethics and our ideas meld together like butter and a hot pan. I had begun writing scripts for more theatrical shows, and Kitty, with her dance and theatre background, really encouraged this because it seems she outgrew burlesque almost immediately (the fact that she had to wear pasties and keep her underpants on was always a bone of contention). Along the way we picked up some talented perverts in a beautiful, sloppy, wonderful way and it evolved from there. It feels like we have a guetto studio system, where we come up with ideas and cast them from our stable of misfits. Brenda Mozel is our Edith Head and Christopher Selvam our Max Factor.

As for the movement to multidisciplinary cabaret, it's simple: I have a lot of shit to say about some things and wiggling around on stage in themed costuming making blinky blink faces is not the most compelling way to do it. It's not enough to me just challenging people's concepts of beauty by being a large and in charge bitch. I need to be up there for more than just that. And besides all that, we simply want to be more entertaining, more interesting, if only to challenge ourselves as artists.

5. What's new, if anything, in the remount?
We've finessed the numbers and their intention, we've changed a few, there's a new short Monty Python-style animated film made by Christopher Noel, and finally, the appearance of Heidi Fleiss, albeit briefly. So it's even better than the first (if you can believe it! ;-) )

6. What do you have in common with Dada, or how has it influenced your work?
We have so much in common with Dada. We are, at the risk of sounding hilariously collegiate, consciously anti-bourgeois, and anti-totalitarian politics and religion. Like Duchamp, we nick exisiting work and make it our own. In the case of les Demimondes we steal from other artists who, for the most part, have profited from sex worker cachet. To me, it was simply a smart, sexy and engaging way to push the decriminalization agenda, to make people rethink their ideas about all this. Dada did this to art, too: made it look at itself and its hypocrisies.
To me, the rebirth of Dada is inevitable in our current political climate. It's time to stir shit up again, tits, asses and balls to the wall.

7. How is burlesque or “burlesque-fusion” changing theatre and performance art? In Toronto, burlesque has moved, to a certain extent, out of the clubs and (back) into the theatres. How do you think this is affecting general audience conceptions of what art is/was/will be?
In my experience, it's bringing common people back to the theatre, which is a tough gig, given the amount of truly interesting television out there at the moment (honestly, have you seen Arrested Development?). We also see ourselves impacting "legitimate" theatre. I believe there was actually a play about Gypsy Rose Lee at the Shaw Festival this year. The Shaw Festival! Well, excuuuuuuse me!
As for it affecting conceptions, we'll see. We're fairly new to this current form, and it's all we can do to escape the burlesque label which, given its uneven representation, has been a monumental achievement in itself.
It's important to me to keep art and sexuality alive and thinking in our culture, and one way to do this is to keep referencing it in your own work.

8. I'm excited to see your manifesto. What are some of its tenets? If you were to write a numbered Sasha manifesto, what would be your number-one proclamation?
"If you're not part of the party, you're part of the problem" is our number one tenet, as written by Beever. The rest, I'm afraid, are not quite so clever, but that's good, I think. The film is very raw and silly, just like us sometimes. The idea was for us to make our own porn, to really actively be part of the critique. It was truly shot on the fly by Aerlyn, who was in town for Hot Docs, and our friend Safiya jazzed it up in editing.
As for my own number one proclamation, I'm afraid my thinking is too fluid to make any solid proclamations (read: fuzzily hungover from DJing at the Gladstone last night), but get me when I've had a few drinks and I'll sure let you know how I feel about this and that.

9. What’s your utopic decriminalization of the sex trade? What do you think of Amsterdam? Do you feel Canada is moving any closer, socially or politically, to acknowledging the needs and contributions of sex trade workers?
My utopic decriminalization of sex work...well let me dream aloud for a minute, and I'll quote from Les Demimondes. I dream that one day, the women and men who work in the sex industry will be treated with as much respect as those who paint them, and photograph them and sing about them and write about them. Put simply, I want to live in a world where people are free to sell their bodies in a directly sexual manner. This does not seem idealistic to me, merely, given all the other ways we buy and sell sex, fair. From a very practical perspective, I feel that somewhere between decriminalization and legalization lies the answer.
As for Canada, ha! I was at a friend's a few months ago and we watched this staggeringly articulate hooker debate decriminalization in Parliament via a live feed. It was infuriating to see how little credibility they gave her perspective. I've said it before: it doesn't matter how many brilliant, willing and happy sex workers you trot out in front of our lawmakers, they will never acquiesce. I guess it's because for the most part, they are passive aggressive middle class snobs who in their hearts and souls believe sex work is wrong and they must "draw the line somewhere". Why they choose to draw the line on the bodies of consenting adults is beyond me.
From what I understand from my politically active working friends, Amsterdam is not the best thing.Legalization has its own problems. I think you can read about this on Valerie Scott's website, The Sex Professionals of Canada.

10. In Broken Pencil, you spoke about the resourcefulness of sex workers and how they adapt to technology. What are some of the ways you've seen this happen? How did the Scandelles hook up with Seska Lee?
The best example I can think of in a contemporary sense when it comes to sex workers adapting to technology is the Internet, but let's not forget latex condoms, cell phones, and caller ID. When you need to be perpetually aware of your physical safety, you are on top of all the most current tools.
I absolutely love the freedom the Internet has provided to people to do their job in relative safety. We were at a rehearsal the other day and we all logged onto Seska's live show. I'm so glad she can do explicit work in the safety of her home and feel in control and confident. Every sex worker deserves to feel this way in their job.
Seska I met several years ago when was writing a story about the hooker conference that happens each year in Montreal. She was giving a lecture about online sex work. I appreciate having her in this show because I wanted some unmitigated "working" content, and I also loved playing with that boundary of privacy people have with Internet sex, I mean really, how do you know the person you're jerking off to isn't right next door? Initially, I wanted Seska in the booth right beside the one you log onto, but we felt people would burst in and interrupt her, so we put her up on one of the catwalks. I also just love the idea of a modernized live peepshow and Seska is of course, irresistably beautiful.

11. Historically, who is your least favourite famous artist and why?
There is so little art I can think of that I don't have some appreciation for, though frankly, I've always felt a little uneasy about Balthus. People who profit from such blatant misogyny piss me off. I guess that's why I hate Lars Von Trier, too. So Balthus and Lars Von Trier then. It's hard to like artists who seem to hate women so much, since I love women and I love being a woman.

12. What's the most surprising response you've had to the show?
The most surprising response? The wildly diverse cross section of people who have enjoyed it, actually. It is thrilling to have women who at one point or another may have had misgivings about sex workers and prostitution (as I have in my own life) come up and say they really loved it. As well, people I respect so much in the arts scene, like Miriam Ginestier of Boudoir, thought it was great too, so that's exciting. Changing peoples' understanding of this work and its place in the world is so important. Bringing feminists and sex workers and artists and plain old perverts together is the perfect party to me.

Thursday, November 24, 2005
Demimondes was wonderful, and thank you all for your support! (yes, Lola, that means you especially). In the meantime, one thing I've been meaning to do is publish some of my articles that appear in papers other than eye in the journal. I'm sure it's a little guetto--no doubt there's a more flashy way of having these things on the site, but for now, here's one that folks ask about frequently. It appeared in Xtra a year and a half ago, and is all about the etiquette of being a lady going to the stripclubs. Enjoy, gurls...
(we will be updating the site with more pics and bios, and by we I do mean Christopher Noel, who not only plays Jeff Koons to a T but is also a brilliant web mister. Yes, for those of you who ar efrantic, Otto will be appearing soon)

Fifteen years ago, when I began my distinguished career in the stripclubs of Montreal, most of them, upscale ones anyway, prohibited female patronage. When women were allowed in at all, they required a male escort. I remember table dancing for one couple and my manager calling me over halfway through to let me know I was getting too cozy with the female. He determined, applying that abstruse and unwittingly kinky Catholic logic that governs so many sexual services in la belle province, that she could stay, but I wasn’t allowed looking at her. Way to go handling that dilemma. She didn’t get turned on at all watching me strip for her lover while I was forbidden to glance her way.

This has changed, though even before it did, if you’ve worked in stripclubs it’s hard to imagine how unnerving they can be for women. For you, the service provider, all the mysteries and dark corners have been laid bare. You’ve watched girls yank open their labia and ass cheeks in the dressing room mirror, probing for stray toilet paper. You’ve danced for The Man and he paid you to put cigarettes out in his palm. Your roster of renowned clients includes the drummer from a one hit wonder eighties band. Not the glittering demimonde you had first envisioned, but then, doesn’t every job lose its luster?

Still, I’ve always known that being a stripper gave me some mystique, shabby as it was, and I’ve consistently invited the women and men I was dating or screwing to my work for a little urban foreplay. I knew stripclubs were intriguing, but I didn’t realize how intimidating they could be to dykes until I started dating one who, well, looked like a dyke. Also, I was long out of the business and had no comrades working to hang out with and validate my presence there as "one of the girls." This happened in Montreal last year, when I took my girlfriend on a trip down mammary lane to one of my beloved dumps. While it had undergone some renovations, its seedy reputation remained conspicuously intact. This is usually a good sign: girls are generally more queer-positive in dives, and the wait staff often includes rowdy, tarpaper voiced old-timers. No such luck. Not one woman approached us for a dance, we practically had to do one on the table to get a drink, and even though I had been a fixture in there for five years on and off, I felt bullied by the pimply hooligans hanging around outside afterwards.

I’m saying all this because I used to think that women (dykes, to be more precise) were being willfully sensitive about the way they were treated in peelers as patrons. To be fair, I realize that I needed to maintain this position to deflect what felt like disdain, validate my positive experiences with men, and defend my fellow strippers. I couldn’t be equivocal about this. I still think, though, that many women are all too pleased to have their worst suspicions confirmed when visiting stripclubs, and are often indignant beyond reason when things don’t go well. Really, what did they think they were walking into, Betty Dodson’s masturbation workshop? Women have heightened expectations of stripclubs, both good and bad, simply because they’ve been kept out of them for so long. Of course men stare at you in this environment. Some of them have only ever seen ‘lesbians’ on stage, poking at each other mechanically with acrylic talons.

As a female patron, it is undeniable that many things may be assumed of you, the most damning of these being that you will tip poorly for drinks, you will not buy lapdances, and you will make your contempt for what you perceive as offensive male behaviour very clear. Now, the fact is that at least half of male clients are guilty of these first two charges and are still welcomed in clubs, but the remaining percentage of spenders more than make up for them. I will admit that when I was dancing and a group of well-dressed men came in I would think, "Hurrah! Expense account!" but when a group of well-dressed women came in, I thought, "Oh great, field trip." On the whole, women don’t spend the kind of money that men do when it comes to sexual fantasy. Most women seem able to be practical with their pocketbooks even when there is a pussy fastened to their forehead. This is probably the most undesirable quality in a stripclub client: self-control. Okay, maybe the second worst. Lack of gullibility, that’s the worst.

I don’t say these things to discourage women, but to edify them. I want women to be more assertive in these spaces because I know they can. I am surprised at how many women I know (horny, leering, cocksure ones at that) have never been to a stripclub, though they’ve fantasized candidly about walking through those doors for years. There are clubs in Toronto that are, if not openly solicitous, easygoing about ‘unsupervised’ female presence. You can’t let one bad —or one amazing—experience inform your effort to vanquish or at least visit this world. It takes some practice. You may find stripclubs tedious and predictable. You may find one to make your home away from home. Visits may add an entirely new dimension to your personal, or shared, sex life. Whatever the case, you won’t know until taking the plunge.

Here are a few spots you may have been curious about:

- Filmores. That marquee! Could anything be more festive, more come on in and kick up your heels, than a tilted neon martini glass? Though the location is dismal, a lot of dykes have discovered that this place is a gold mine of queer dancers, or at least extremely queer friendly dancers. When we were rehearsing Neon Nightz, the play I wrote about my days in the biz, we went here for business meetings. One night we ended up on the stage getting hot new pole dancing tips from an out of town feature, who earlier on had invited a big ol’ butch onstage to play. The butch returned the favour by whipping out her packer and trying to hump the dancer, frankly, the most disgraceful behaviour I have seen in a stripclub to date. Despite the relentless black lighting (very bad for dykes: your darker clothes look like a meadow of cat hair), Filmores has a relaxed, almost folksy vibe, with patrons who don’t usually gape at fellow enthusiasts who are female. There is a terrific variety of dancers, in size, race, and style, too.

- The Brass Rail. I worked there for about two weeks six years ago, got totally shitfaced with this couple, and by the end of the night she was wearing my Louise Brooks wig and little else, and dancing for me and her boyfriend. This did not go over well with the other girls, though judging by what I saw at that time, they had little reason to look down their noses at me. Still, I would advise against this kind of unbridled bacchanalia. Because the tables are so close together, this is one place where you may get a lot of fellows leaning over to ask, "so what you ladies are doing here?" Take a page out of my friend Beever’s book, lean over yourself and yell, "Because I like pussy too!" I have had excellent lapdances from enthusiastic and diverse women, though at times you will be overlooked. Women have told me they’ve had better reception in the afternoons here, and I wouldn’t disagree with this.

- Jilly’s. Of all the queer girl friendly spots in Toronto, I would place Jilly’s at the top. I have had nothing but a positive reception from all staff at this club—waitresses, dancers, and doormen alike. Though I suspect it is a bit of a haven for Simone de Beavers (women’s studies majors writing personal meditations on the sex trade. Being on the vanguard, of course this trend galls me), this is another place that many women seem to feel right at ease in. Again, a great mix of dancers, and a playful, open vibe: women approach you readily for dances, and they are comfortable with female couples.

- Zanzibar. Although this is based on a single visit, it’s pretty obvious that the staff at Zanzibar is not interested in hosting a female clientele. No big deal, they do a brisk business without us. During a visit with seven smiling gals primed to spend, our waitress could not have been more aggrieved to serve us and accept our generous tips, and not one dancer approached our table. We were delighted to be ushered out at the end of our stay to one client’s stentorian refrain of, "The lezzies are leaving!" You’re goddamn right we are.

- For Your Eyes Only. I am a bit sentimental about this club because I worked there, and have some fond memories both of fellow dancers and clients (mind you the bitch who stole my entire bag of MAC make-up and Lejaby bra from the dressing room will burn in stripper hell). I add this venue because it is one place that women in wheelchairs can patronize, as there are no stairs to the main room, a very wide ramp at the entrance, and an accessible bathroom. The stage is visible from all spots in the bar, though some women might find the atmosphere a little highbrow for a first night out. The women are considered the best looking in the city here, though in my opinion, there is beauty to be found everywhere.


-Some women/dancers are homophobic. Yes, I know. It is beyond comprehension how a woman will dance for someone who blows on her ass, asks inane questions about her personal life, and hasn’t had a bath since balloon pants were in, but draws the line at you. Those are her boundaries. Accept them and move on. A good way of procuring a lapdance is to ask a woman, "Do you dance for women?"
-Asking if they themselves are queer will not guarantee they are. I’ve been Irish, half-Indonesian, French, fresh off the boat from Holland, a plus size model, and straight for the right price.
-In Toronto, lapdances are 20 dollars per song. This means that whether the dancer is dancing, smoking, talking, showing you how her hair extensions are attached, or enjoying the beverage you bought for her, her meter is running. Some dancers won’t tell you this until afterwards, when you owe them seven kajillion dollars. A good way of politely asking a dancer to stop her meter is by saying, "Thank you so much for the wonderful dance. Please don’t let us keep you from your other clients." If she stays, she has chosen to do so for free.
-Although it may be tempting to engage dancers in political conversations about their work, for example, "don’t the men shouting obscenities at you onstage make you sick?" this will be taken as contempt, not solidarity. One self-important female stock trader attempted to do this to me one night and got an earful about ethical funds. Are you ready to take someone on about the virtues and humiliations of your job?
-Stripclubs are not always designed with female clients in mind. What this means is that in some places, the washroom also doubles as the dancers’ dressing room. Don’t be alarmed. Just step over the costumes nicely, and try not to stare too hard at what breast implants look like under fluorescent lights.
-Drinks are wildly expensive in stripclubs. Beer is often about seven or eight dollars, and mixed drinks up to nine or ten. Don’t even think about ordering an XO cognac, even though it comes in a bitchin’ snifter the size of a goldfish bowl. It’s usually around twenty-seven bucks. And don’t even get me started on the fact that even though Veuve Cliquot Ponsardin is triple the price in one club, they can’t even spell it on their menu. Vueve Cliquot Ponfardin. I mean honestly.
-There is no cover in stripclubs in Toronto, and though I have noticed that the doorman tipping thing has eased up a bit, do have a fiver in your hand for every couple of people you’re with as you are led into the club, just in case. Why? Well, how in the world would you find a table if the man didn’t show it to you? Just pretend you’re in Las Vegas if you can’t deal with how ridiculous this seems. Filmores, for you thrifty types, does not have doormen who show tables.

Thursday, October 27, 2005
phew! Just finished writing my column and am now rehearsing monologues. Kitty and venus are coming by for a wee rehearsal this aft. All is well, and we'll be posting the new flyer any second. By the way, if you'd like to be on my Scandelles mailibg list, please email me at [email protected].
Also, many many fun pictures have been posted at the partiste site (, with links to flicker pages.
gotta run, see you all in two weeks!

Sunday, October 09, 2005
On we go to Demimondes rehearsals, and then Under the Mink. Tonight I've been making special Christmas pasties for a photo shoot for the Buddies annual holiday auction (I'll be playing Slutty Santa). Also, working on the Heidi Fleiss monologue, which was canned from the last Demimondes show because I couldn't make it work, and I was dying to because our costume designer Brenda made Venus the most perfect mid '80s early '90s power bitch dress ever. If ANYONE out there has a pair of Armani sunglasses from that era we could borrow we will get you in to this show free.
I am putting off going to walk Venus and the Professor's dog Parker. They're away in Montreal visiting the Professor's father (also a professor). Parker, though lovely and social in the house, tries to kill other dogs she sees on the street and it ain't a pretty sight. Cujo! She needs to be muzzled and is apparently Houdini with the fucking thing.
I am madly looking forward to Demimondes. Trixie has been hard at work on the flyer—another coup in the design department, but I still haven't found my aubergine and hot pink panties—yes, the ones that are no longer available at Nearly Naked because they were only made for one season. I am convinced they are crumpled in a costume bag somewhere. Whatever, I'll go commando if I have to. And hooray! Seska is coming back into town to do the Peepshow 3000!!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
hey Partistes!
Thank you all so much for making our fundraiser a shitkicking off the hook event. We will be uploading pictures onto the partiste site any time now, in the meantime, we can't thank you enough for helping us raise funds for our next big adventure, Les Demimondes. We've decided, given the rental costs of Buddies, to do a two night run instead of three, (and have town hall seating, so more seats per night). November 10 and 11th. Keep your eyes peeled, as you know, you do not want to miss this show!
We love you all!
The Scandelles

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Remember: if you're not part of the party, you're part of the problem! Join us at our private fundraiser on October 1!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Sunday, September 11, 2005
The Scandelles are throwing an exclusive fundraiser on Saturday October 1st, 2005. We want you to be there.
10 dollars gets you a full evening of entertainment, including two of Toronto’s top DJs. Bring extra for shenanigans. Strip twister, table dances with your favourite Scandelles, whore-overs with Christopher, official make-up artist to the Scandelles. A screening of the critically acclaimed Surrealist Porn the Partistes, starring the Scandelles and filmed by Aerlyn Weissman.
We’re raising funds for two upcoming gigs, as well as money for costuming and our spotlight.
Email [email protected] to assure your entry. We’ll email you back with confirmation.
Dress trashy.
Fun 100 % guaranteed.

Friday, September 09, 2005
OK so I am going to the prom tonight and I am soo excited to see my boy band play. I am going to wear the most beautiful fuschia pink gown!
By the way things are looking up for The Scandelles and this fall. Oct 1st should be marked on your calenders, because we need to get dirty! the shit that we have come up with for our show/party is pretty steamy! More details to come....

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Sasha here. It's September 7th, and I and everyone else in my building, have officially been without hot water for a full week. Why? Because my landlord is a shitfucker. He hasn't even been around to tell us what's going on and no one answers the phone in the office.When I make my millions I am going to buy a few buildings, and invite all the tenants here to come and live for half the cost.
Anyway, all this to say: can I come over to your house and shower? Please?!
Also, and here's the really big news:
WE HAVE A THREE NIGHT RUN OF DEMIMONDES AT BUDDIES THIS FALL. Hurrah hurrah hurrah! November 10th, 11th and 12th. I am so excited. We are also discussing touring it next year.
In other exciting news, we will be holding a private party/fundraiser we'd like to invite all our most devoted fans to. We'll be posting details on another site and keeping everyone abreast. This is October 1st.
Gotta get to the gym, then off to the Gladstone to spin spin spin tonight. The new New Pornographers has been on heavy rotation chez moi, as well Imagination's Greatest Hits.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Oh I mean *really*. Otto hacking into the Blog?! Otto, are you over at Kitty's with the password? In any case, yes indeed, as Kitty and Otto mentioned, Les Demimondes was an unqualified success. We received a standing ovation, a sold-out house, and plenty of compliments afterwards. The installations went over well (I might add that many people have confessed their delight at Seska's uninhibited antics in the virtual peepshow). The Beevers have set up a special new website, an off-shoot of the Scandelles activities as it were, called Please check it out, and grab some kleenex before you do.
I am elated by les Demimondes, only depressed that we didn't do two or three nights, but I will be pestering Buddies once this relentless heat has abated. Honestly, WHAT THE FUCK?! Denise and I drove to the Alora Quarry yesterday for some relief, and to hang out with all the local yokels. I hadn't seen a German cross tattoo in a while. How nice.
Meanwhile, Kitty, newly swingle, is relocating up the street, and a few of us will be off to Montreal for Diverscite strictly for kicks. I intend a blisterign rewrite of Under the Mink, now that I know that I can memorize monologues and ideas galore for upcoming projects.
Also, as Kitty alluded to in a previous installment, we are plotting some civil disrobediance. Stay tuned...

Wednesday, July 06, 2005
have you heard the rumour that their will be a happening in a park near you? On the date of a full moon in August. Must bring flashlights for it will be dark. We provide the entertainment, until the cops get there.....
More details later.

Monday, July 04, 2005
This is Otto hacking into the blog!!

What a way to kick off the summer girls and it is only going to get better from here. Les Dem. was a huge success. Alex and Cat you ROCK! Everyone involed are true artists and professionals. (in my humble opinion)...but enough about the work.

Partistes...lets kick it into high gear.

2005 = Summer of SIN!

Monday, June 27, 2005
Wow. what a fantastic Pride week. The show went off swimmingly and things just got better from there. And kind of worse, but all for the better.
Hunter Valentine at the Gladstone was fun...if anyone that was there actually remembered what happened. DRUNK.
This is going to be a good summer

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
preparations for les Demimondes:
set list and props-check

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!! It is seriously never my hairdresser's fault because I go to him with ideas like "David Coverdale, but shorter" and then he does it, but then I'm actually stuck with a David Coverdale haircut but shorter. I am PRAYING that it's the humidity that's making my bangs shrink up against my skull because I will never get onstage looking like this. WHO IS GOING TO BE LOOKING AT MY PERFECT PEDICURE WHEN ALL THEY'LL BE THINKING IS WHY DOES SASHA; HAIR LOOK LIKE DAVID COVERDALE'S BUT SHORTER?!
It is extremely difficult to be professional under such circumstances, and it is particularly difficult after consuming most of a bottle of Stoly. I think I should just go to bed.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I can't believe this but I think that we are actually going to pull off this crazy out of control ambitious project. Everything is coming along beautifully: the cabaret, the installations, the film etc. Yes, panic is in the air, but it's good panic, the kind of panic that makes you do things you never thought you could (or would, I suppose).I am so proud of everyone for busting their chops to make this event happen (and all I can say is if we don't get a run of this, I'm going to break shit). Kitty has been a drill sargent about my monologues. Somehow she feels that it'll be more "professional" if I don't sit there with a fucking piece of paper reading off it. I'm doing well, but let me tell you, there are days when I regret having drank all that JD when I worked at the Bizwack in Montreal.
Tickets are now on sale at Buddies and I'm going to warn people that it's good idea to buy in advance because our Pride shows are as busy as Valentine's.
And oh crap, the bed that Ruth made is the sexiest sluttiest (sleep cuntry Canada!) prop I have ever seen. Weee! I can't wait to lounge in it.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Originally uploaded by Kitty Neptune.

The Beaver's!


Originally uploaded by Kitty Neptune.

Kitty enjoying a mojito


Originally uploaded by Kitty Neptune.

Evie and Brad discussing men.

Saturday, May 07, 2005
You're all being officially warned: Les Demimondes is going to kick your ass.Three installations, including the chicken Ranch Parlour by the Beevs, Seska's virtual porn booth, and Paige Gratland's tit pin booth. 17 unbelievable original numbers, a fucking hooker showtunes medley....I mean I'm out of my mind with excitement, really.
So yes,as Kitty divulged below that we filmed our erotic thriller The Partistes: If You're Not Part of the Party, You're Part of the Problem with Aerlyn Weissman, and we'll be editing it next week. Reno Ruth is building our main prop (wait'll you see it. EEK!! EEK!!!). Lesbians can do anything.
London is now a week away and I'm starting to calm down because rehearsals are going well and we have all that we need pretty much in place. Phew! Time to get on those pasties.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005
OK so I should not be let out of the house. Not if all The Scandelles are going to congregate. I won't go into detail but I will say this: Champagne, strawberries, whip cream, pool table in a swank bachelor pad with a jacuzzi for 6, steam room, sexy ladies and boys at every turn. Good tunes, a jaunt up to the look out as well as the workout room where security promptly discarded us into the hallways, so we turned them into a high fashion modelling show catwalk!! All on video filmed by a very sought after documentarian! It should be illegal to have this much fun.
And to top it off I feel great today!
You are all going to pee yourself when you see this film in June.....

Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Aah Montreal. It is definitely spring because the cute boys (and girls, at Meow Mix) were coming out of the woodwork this weekend. We had a blast at the show. Mostly at the after party where, once again, we all found it necessary to give a special modern dance orgy performance in the midst of a circle of onlookers on the dance floor. Well it definitely kept the party going 'til the very end. Denise was spinning some kicking tunes.
On to rehearsals for Under the Mink and Les Demimondes. Just got together with Flare to discuss Butch Noir scene. We rewatched the movie and discovered some interesting things about this character. A great piece to tackle.
I can't wait to see everyone in Under the Mink in their dancerize aerobic wear for the finale. Flare just informed me of her outfit and I almost peed.
Have some great ideas for Demimondes. This show is going to rock. Things are looking up. I think we need a rotating stage. Is that too much to ask? If only we had a million dollars or a nice liquor company to give us backing for all of our ridiculous requests. One can dream...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005
well! March Madness has passed and I managed to get through my birthday without any drama at all. I am 37, on the cusp of cougardom. Gorgeous.
I have just returned from Cuba where darling Denise took me to celebrate my pre-cougar hotitude and let me tell you, Havana is the city of my dreams. Lost in time, art deco, American cars from the 50s, and dirty dachshunds laying about everywhere. It is as though it was invented just for me.
The beach at Cayo Coco, the island where we stayed, was spectacular, and I took the meek little D snorkling (she's hee hee hee, afraid if FISH. Hilarious because I am a Pisces and I know she is scared shitless of me, too). Beautiful! I kept making up the names of species to amuse and impress her. She now believes there is such a thing as an elephant fish. "Look Denise, there's an Al Green guppy!"
I am so excited abou our trip to Montreal this week-end. We will be debuting several new numbers, including a tribute to Yoko Ono's performance art, and Kitty's Klute movement piece. I won't breathe a word about the one me and Kitty are doing with Cooter, but it's a howler. London is also coming together. Sent out mad press releases to Julie, our host, and apparently the Hall where we are performing is about 200 years old and being restored, just for us, I like to imagine.
Well, time to start dealing with peoples' sexual issues again, and a shop in Kensington market. All my food's gone off. See you all at the Gladstone for the hump day bump this Wednesday, right? It's secret agent's birthday.

Monday, March 07, 2005
ohmigod. Will you you LOOK at Kitty, Otto and Venus in the Chinatown/Parkdale finery I purchased for them? Stunning! Neon Nightz really has the most beautiful costuming.
Anyhoo...had a wonderful week-end. Went to see the Zoobombs, Two Koreas, and Gentleman Reg on Saturday and literally thought I was going to lose my fuckin' mind over the Zoobombs. Japanese free form psychedellic rockers? The best. I bought a cd AND a t-shirt, I was so wowed.
So here's a little schedule of upcoming performances:
I will be in Montreal on Wednesday March 9th to perform for a queer McGill benefit at Usine C. I will then be performing at Edgy Women in Montreal on thursday March 17th, at Sala Rossa.
Three or four of us will be returning to Montreal on April 9th to the Sala Rossa to perform at Meow Mix at Sala Rossa, with Denise DJing.We will be presenting Under the Mink in London, Ontario on May 14th, then Clare, Kitty and I will be performing at the Great Big Drag King Convention in Washington on May 21nd. Why, it's almost as though we're touring. I hope the groupies in the States are sluttier than the groupies here.
ALSO I will be guest DJing at Savour on March 19th, then there's damn dog at Ciao the following night! Gotta run. Over and out.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Originally uploaded by Kitty Neptune.

Trixie found this one in the banks! Happy little threesome!

Monday, February 21, 2005
that's what you get for playing AC DC...(five topless girls shaking their boobs at your DJ booth, all of them of course, you know who...)
What a night! Despite the snowstorm (which didn't stop me from wearing four inch pumps, I kept screaming at Cooter "I'm from Montreal, for fuck's sake!" while plowing through snow drifts with my CD bags), we had a crammed bar, a packed dancefloor, and dozens of girls yelling along to our tunes and leaping around so much they skipped the music. Now that's the kind of attitude I like to see in Toronto. I was feeling extra on fire 'cause Cooter did my eye make-up and I looked like a fox.
Riding on this high, I'm elated about my upcoming gig at the gladstone with Secret Agent on Wednesday March 2nd, and please come out to see me interviewed live by Kelly Clipperton at the Cameron House on March 1st at around 9:30 if you're in the mood. Brag brag brag, what else is a blog for?
Savour is this week-end too (Saturday February 26th), and Denise says I can offer a pair of tickets to it. email [email protected] and say you want to savour the feb flavour!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Here is one reason I will not stop doing our shows:


Just wanted to write to say that I was at the Valentine's Burlesque show at Lee's Palace. Always a fan of boobs and dancing, I love watching your troupe wiggle their way through a show.

Anyhow, this time I went with my boyfriend, who has been suffering a drought in the bedroom as a result of my recent poor body image (and 20 pound weight gain). But as we watched your show and specifically, your voluptuously, sumptuous body enjoying the air....I felt so much better! My boyfriend turned and said "You have a Sasha body!" with a little glimmer in his eye.....needless to say, we enjoyed a long night!

Thank you for strutting your beautiful body that apparently resembles the curves that I now call SEXY!!!! I finally am able to see past the "gastric bypass/hungry/size 0" way of thinking I had succumbed to and love my curvaceous self.


Sniff! Honk! I am elated about Saturday night, and I am elated to receive letters like the one above. What she probably doesn't realize is that I too, have gained lots of weight 'cause I quit smoking, and I too, sometimes have a hard time getting on that stage, but I won't stop till all the girls stop hating themselves because once we stop hating ourselves we will have time to do so many other things. Stop the conspiracy!
What a show! What a crowd! What a FUCKED UP AND BRILLIANT NUMBER THAT WAS FROM CHAD LOGAN. We received one email that said they will never look at Star Wars the same way again. Bring on the lawsuits, Mr. Lucas!
Anyway, I am finally recovering from it all. I went out on Sunday to see my pals in the Two Koreas, then I came home all inspired to make some Estonian flag pasties, then Kitty calls at 3:30, and comes over with the showmaker and we sit in the kitchen till 6:30 drinking and yelling about how great we are. I completely miss the next day and walk around in a haze in the rain (I was so fucked up I ended up in the GAP buying jeans), then Denise and I had a romantic Valentine's dinner on my bed watching Mean girls and eating Ghandi rotis, then we went to see Hunter Valentine and the Cliks at the Gladstone. Cute girls galore.
this Sunday is my night at Ciao and there are going to be two birthday parties so I'm looking forward to it being busy. See you there!

Sunday, February 13, 2005
That was funnnnn! Thanks to all that came out. Especially those for the first time! Definitely a topper for us. And nobody got hammered before the show started! How smoothly things run! Our Valentine's audience is truely the best. And most party worthy. It takes a hearty bunch to withstand 4 hours in a cramped, stinky space like Lee's Palace. Thank god for beer. Thank you Scandelles for working so hard on this one.

Friday, February 11, 2005
jesus, I've been so busy that I forgot to write that the tix got snapped up right away! Can't wait to see everyone at the show, it is going to be bloody fabulous! I have been a shit kicking pasty making factory too, and I'll be debuting the Continental Couture collection this year. Please stop by the merch table and have a look, and BBJ is debuting a new Scandelles collection. Gorgeous! We'll have prizes galore during the show as well, lot's of giveaways for all you loverbirds and lovelorn.
also, we are sincerely hoping to have that same vibe going for the afterparty. Don't forget to wear your most stunning bra, babes, 'cause you know how it goes...

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
We had a big blow-out last night at my house to thank all the kids who have been working on these shows for so long for little to no money. I made thai soup and rotis because Kitty finally got her damn braces off and can eat curry. We bought buckets of booze and everyone drank and then of course it was topless dancing in the living room and I KNOW THERE WAS A VIDEO CAMERA. Now my head is killing (red wine, tequila and vodka, great combo) but damn that was fun. Kitty kept making everyone rehearse the finale for Valentine's over and over and we could have sat there all night watching them frug.
We also got our dates at Buddies, and I'm happy with them (January 2006). This means that we can put a lot of work into Les Demimondes (the pride show) and try to get some grants for it because I want it to look really good.

Well, back to making pasties and of course, a ticket giveaway: a pair for the person who emails me at [email protected] and tells me which one of the Scandelles had braces up until yesterday...

Monday, January 31, 2005
The tix are gone, but stay posted because I will be offering another set in the next week. So, yes, very excited about show. We had a rehearsal on Sunday and it's all coming together beautifully. I am*extremely* excited about the intro and finale.

Saturday, January 29, 2005
okay, I admit it: I haven't been very excited about the Valentine's show.It's a ton of work rallying the troupes, getting the promotion designed, doing press releases, and putting numbers together, and the weather does not help all this. But guess what? NOW I'M FUCKING FREAKING OUT BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING!!
Chad Logan called me last night (werll this morning really), and has another brilliant piece he's working on, involving a robot tribute to star wars (honestly don't ask). I went through the set list and it rocks. We have pieces from just about every show we do (neon nightz is a little sketchy, apparently Otto's mom is going to be there and he's a little freaked out about running around nude in front of her), and enthusiasm is building.
On that note, i'm getting ready to start giving away tickets for the show! The first person who emails me with the subject Scandelles Rock My Box and/or Cawk will win a pair!

oh, and by the way: We know that Ticketmaster is a big rip-off and we are very sorry to have to resort to using them to sell advance tickets, but it was a very last minute decision, and really much more for those who don't come out all the time and panic about getting tickets for events. The best we could do is knock 2 bucks off the price of our already super affordable price (12$) to compensate for their outrageous service charges, which will put advance tix at 14 (that's right: 10 for us, and 4 for ticket master). Believe me, this is not good for us either! We have a gillion performers to pay and we always try to pay everyone well.
Meanwhile, it is always a very busy show but I know there will still be tickets at the door so regulars, do not worry!
You know to get there early, anyway, to get perverts row anyway, right?

Wednesday, January 26, 2005
okay seriously, has it been over a month since I last posted?! Much has happened, of course. Again, we have been given a two week run at Buddies to put on a few of our more polished shows, Kitty and I will be traveling to Washington to perform with Flare in the Great Big Drag King Show, we may go to London Ont with Under the Mink, and we are currently researching grants so we can find a rehearsal space to build dance equipment for Neon Nightz. We are also putting together a brand new show to open Pride at Buddies o June 17th, called Les Demimondes. As well, I will be hosting a Tsunami benefit on Feb 25th at the Mod Club starring, get ready, K-Os and Nelly Furtado! Woo woo!
Oh, and of course, we are preparing for our buiest show of the year, on February 12th at Lee's Palace. Our ridiculous, out of control, fun fun fun till your pants fall off, Valentine's Show. This year, perhaps you noticed, we decided to do a more "classy" flyer, featuring me and Trixie. (you must admit though: it is a very realistic portrait of our shows, someone falling down the ramp at Lee's while someone else tries to hold up their bum). Look forward to Falcon Crest drama, a new, interpretative balloon dance, the return of Chad Logan, and the famous ost of Tramploine Hall Misha Glouberman at the helm of this out of control bus.
Spent New Year's Day in Niagara Falls with Denise. We ended up doing all kinds of e, then lying around watching the Magnificent Ambersons, really, an incredible film. Gotta run! Column to write, press release to send out etc etc. Stay tuned for ticket giveaways etc...

Monday, December 20, 2004
Yes, it is true, as Kitty said, Neon Nightz went well, and the new monologues were well received. I must remember to remind people in the theatre setting, though, that is fine to get up, get drinks, relax, and lose their shit if they need to. It is quite the opposite of Lee's, where at times I feel a taser would be helpful.
I also had a great time performing for SPOC on International Sex Worker Day. As Oprah Winfrey says about teachers (to the point of massive irritation, really), "I love whores!" Speaking of whores, Mirha Soleil Ross's play was fabulous, though apparently the reviews sucked. We'll fix that.
I got together with some friends/colleagues to look at a few plays that had been turned into films for the purpose of seeing what to do with Neon Nightz.
I also just sent out some Christmas gifts and got fucked up the ass with a toilet brush by Canada Post. 75$ for two packages. Next time I'll just have them deleivered in a fucking cab. Sheesh.
The Beevers are hosting a little Scandelles xxx(I know, how original)mas party this eve. Fondue, my favourite! Vodka, my favourite! Cabaret kids, my favourite!

Saturday, December 11, 2004
Yaay Neon Nightz!!!
The show went smoothly and it felt great!
To bad our snow machine did not show up. We will definitely have some words with Michael when we see him. But the snow bag worked ok too.
Finally got that bloody move on the pole. Incredible what a little adrenilene can do.
Things are getting tighter every time we do this. The band sounded and looked fantastic! Thanks to our girls at Lift Salon! And Christopher, our makeup artist/fluffer made us chicks look like sluts and the band look like new wave bitches! God I can't wait to take this show on tour.
Looks like we have somewhere to house our pole until someone buys me that studio space I have always wanted. So we can go visit it whenever we want and I won't bother the ShowMaker with putting it in our living room. Or our poor neighbours downstairs.
Now it is Christmas parties galore, but no more prep for shows until the new year. Except for this Thursday when Sasha and I pull out those hideous costumes for our Christmas special cat fight at 5 Nightclub. That dance collective evening there, Milk n' Honey, could use a little humour. Dancers are so serious these days! ( No wonder I never made it in musical theater, I could never keep a straight face while singing and dancing in that stupid show "Brigadoon" I was dieing of boredom and being cheesed to death! Blaaaaah!) Anyway that's on Thursday night at midnight.
Off to the gym

Thursday, December 09, 2004
tix are gone! See you all tomorrow at Buddies!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Well I am just about done writing my column and thanks to the "research" both Denise and I are totally bald (well she's kind of bald/Charlie chaplin moustachey, I'm more Travis Bickley).
Anyway, about that corporate gig...
SOMEBODY and I'm not going to say who, got caught backstage by some of the corporation's people preparing to get a blow-job . Also SOMEBODY else, and I'm not going to say who, decided to bring people onstage after the show and teach them to strip for real.
Thank god we were paid in advance and that the woman organizing it all was cool.
As for Neon Nightz, it is rocking the FUCK out. Last minute details are all coming together (don't get excited, but I think the smoke machine is actually going to work this time!) The band sounds incredible with their new keyboards in place, Little Red Corvette and a few others sound wicked.
I am feeling generous and excited, so I am going to give away one more pair of tickets to the first person who emails me at [email protected] with the subject TRAVIS TICKLE. You have to do this before Friday morning though, because i will be at the theatre all day and won't be checking my email. I will get back to you and let you know if you're the big winner! Your name will be at the door!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Tickets to NN are gone, my friends! Thanks for the emails, I hope to see you all there anyway. I had burlesque nightmares all night about our corporate gig tonight. Something about a Patridge Family number and lots of ridiculous Monty Python-like walking.
Kitty and I just did some photos for a local weekly (upcoming). Very funny, but now my legs are trembling from doing power squats in stilletos (I know SEXY). Kitty decided she wanted to wear a moustache with her Budweiser bikini.
Geez, I hope we don't look like idiots.
I am having one weird week. My column is dragging along like an old donkey, but I am expecting some exciting product in the mail for beaver trimming, so I'm growing the bush in a bit for research purposes.
Can I just ask an open question to women and men who masturbate with vibrators? Have you ever gotten ingrown pubes that seem suspiciously connected to this activity?
Just wondering.

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